Bringing Home Baby

How to mentally prepare yourself.

I had my first baby in January 2024. I have some advice I want to share about those first days home. First and most importantly, throw all your expectations out the window, even if it's not your first baby and you think you know what you're doing. Second, it's okay if the baby cries, it's okay if you need a minute and you lay the baby down in a safe space and walk outside for a few minutes. Third, ask for help, accept help when its offered and be honest about what you need help with. Lastly, do not create problems where there aren't any yet. I'll explain more about that with personal examples.

Throw out your expectations.

It will be what it is, your baby will do whatever it is they want to do. It will not last forever and in a few weeks they will smile at you and you'll fall in love all over again. Get rid of any idea of how often you'll feed them or any kind of schedule you think you can get them on. You truly have to just go with the flow of your baby. If they fall into some kind of consistent routine quickly, great. They might not and that's okay too. I love the saying "epectations are the thief of joy" that in all honesty, I heard from MKBHD on youtube about not getting too hyped up about the new iphone every year because Apple always lets you down somehow. Anyway, this isn't a tech blog, so I'll move on. Truly, expectations are the thief of joy when you think about it. Your baby will end up on a most consitent schedule/routine so to speak eventually. It won't be like that those first few weeks.

Expectations are the thief of joy.

Babies cry, its okay.

Your baby will cry. Your baby might cry no matter what you do. It's okay. You do what you can but know that if you are holding your baby and providing whatever comfort you can, it's okay if they are still crying. You can't just make it stop sometimes. You can also lay your baby down in a safe space and walk away for a few minutes to gather yourself. Those first days to weeks are tough, take care of yourself too. Obviously you will take care of your baby, but there are just times you don't know what else to do. Get comfortable with those uncomfortable emotions from your child, it doesn't stop at babies crying.

Babies cry, IT IS OKAY.

Accept help, ask for help, and be direct.

Accept the meals, ask visitors to rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher instead of holding the baby. If you have visitors in the first days after having a baby that you are not close enough to that they would load your dishwasher for you, they do not need to be there at all. You can also let the visitors hold the baby while you go take a shower. Tell them where the diapers are if they need them and that you'll be 15 minutes. Hold your baby and just sit and talk with your visitors if you want to. Ask for what you need and be direct. You can also tell visitors to wait a little longer to visit if that makes you more comfortable. And you do not have to decide this ahead of time. I see so many people that make these hard and fast rules and posing on Facebook that "we will not be having visitors so X days, please do not show up announced." While if thats what you want to do, then more power to you, but I personally loved having people visit. I didn't feel the need to "host" and no one that was visiting me would expect me to. Visiting with my friends made me feel human again. I didn't know how to expect to feel afterwards, which goes back to the whole thow your expectations out the window thing. And I had a fairly euphoric post partum, but I may not have that the second time around. The hormones are crazy and I will try to manage my expectations by not having any.

Accept the help.

Don't create problems before there are any.

In a conversation with my dad a few months after I had my baby, he told me the worrying never stops. Even now he worries about my mom, my brother and me as a very responible 27 year old. I say this because you will be worried about their weight, are they eating enough, does this red spot look weird, they bonk their head on the side of the baby bath tub during their first full bath at home (yes, that happened, newborns are very wobbly). There are very specific things to watch for that indicate there might be a problem. If those things are all fine, don't let other random things make you think there's a problem. For example, I breastfed my daughter for the first several months (that on it's own deserves it's own blog post). When you are nursing you have no idea how much they are eating. There were a whole bunch of things making me worry about her weight because she was and still is small, and I was so stressed and worried leading up to her 2 month appointment. She was happy and had plenty of diaper output which are the most important indications that she was eating enough for her. The extreme over analyzing everything that are not indicators of issues caused so much stress. We get to the appointment and everything was great. Her pediatrician had no concerns. I knew she was eating enough because she slept well and was such a happy baby, but that didn't stop me from creating a fictitious problem in my head and causing myself undue stress for no reason. All this to say, if you think there is really a problem, reach out the doctors to solve it and if you aren't willing to do that, let it go. If it is a problem, the pediatrician will let you know if there is an issues with their weight. There is a reason babies have check ups so often. I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice, I'm just sharing my personal experience. Please talk to your doctor if you have questions or concerns.

If you aren't going to do something about it, let it go.